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Philemon "Correcting in Love"
Paul's letter to Philemon is a personal letter, trying to persuade him to forgive Onesimus a runaway slave. Lets start at the beginning of the story.
Philemon lived in the Lycus valley of Asia Minor, not far away from the city of Colossae. He was a wealthy man who probably owned a large farm or ranch with many slaves. Since there are many rolling hills around that area, he might have been the owner of many sheep.
One year Philemon, his wife Apphia and his son Archippus went on a business trip to Ephesus, the capital of the region. They were taking the wool of the sheep to market and were gone from ranch leaving the chief servant in charge.
Along the way to Ephesus they started hearing strange stories about a Jewish man named Paul, who was teaching a new religion in the city. They heard that not only were they teaching about a man named Jesus who rose from dead, but that many miracles were taking place that seemed to confirm their speech. They decided to go and hear this Paul, when they got to Ephesus.
When they went to hear Paul they were surprised to learn that God loved them, and that they could have a personal relationship with God through Jesus Christ, who died on the cross to bridge the gap between men and God. They were also convinced of the power of Christ as they witnessed miracles of healings and changed lives. By the end of their stay in Ephesus they too decided to receive Jesus Christ and be baptized.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, one of the slaves was fingering the gold ring in his ear. His name was Onesimus and deciding that this was his chance, he cut off the gold earring, stole Philemon's gold, and headed for Rome, thinking that he could get lost in such a large city.
Paul sent Philemon and his family back home and told them to gather their family and slaves together and teach them what Paul had taught them. A church was born in the house of Philemon.
About ten years later, Onesimus had run out of money, and ended up in jail. And as he served his time he met the Apostle Paul and heard the gospel of Jesus Christ. Even after his time was finished Onesimus stayed near Paul to help in any way he could. And so one day Paul called him into his cell to dictate a letter.
Some greek texts add, written from Rome, by Onesimus,
a servant. Paul had a very delicate task, he had to correct both Onesimus
who had been changed from a unprofitable servant, to a very profitable
servant of God, and Philemon who was heading a church in his home.
The problem was that these two Christians needed to be reconciled with
each other. Paul knew that it was best for both to experience their
new brotherhood in Christ.
And so he charged Onesimus to go back to Philemon and take with him the letter in his hands.
Paul gives us a very good example of how we are to correct our brothers and sisters in Christ. I think that this is one of the most misunderstood and damaging aspects of the Christian life. I think almost every Christian has been hurt by a well-meaning Christian who either weighted them down with guilt or heaped condemnation on them, while trying to "instruct" them on how to be a better Christian. I find that most of this "instruction" comes in areas that are not all that important. They usually concern the "dont's" Don't do this, Don't do that. Or they are about clothing or drink or habits or "spiritual" things like how often you pray or read the bible or give money or whatever. Paul's little letter gives us a wonderful example of what needs correction and how to correct in love. What deserved correction was the relationship between two Christians.
"Therefore I might be very bold in Christ to command you what is fitting, yet for love's sake I rather appeal to you-- being such a one as Paul, the aged, and now also a prisoner of Jesus Christ-- I appeal to you for my son Onesimus whom I have begotten while in my chains, who once was unprofitable to you, but now is profitable to you and to me."
Love
You see Paul could have commanded Philemon, after all he was an Apostle, he had converted Philemon, but Paul only appeals, for loves sake. Love is the basis, the starting point for correction. Notice that Paul starts out his letter telling Philemon how much he cares for him, how they are praying for him and the church and how they rejoice to hear about his ministry. Philemon knew that Paul loved him and the church. Some Christians feel that their ministry is to make sure that every other Christian is exactly the same as them. You can spot these people right away because as soon as you are introduced to them they start asking twenty questions. What denomination are you? What do you think about tongues? what do you think about healing? what do you think about baptism? and so on and so on. And then when they find something that is different from their views they start to offer their correction. Let me honest with you. When I meet these people I never listen to them. I just smile and say something like "Thank you for sharing that with me, I will have to study some more about that." You see, there is an old saying, "They don't care what you know, until they know that you care." Philemon knew that Paul cared about him and his ministry, and so he was willing to listen to what Paul had to say, even though it was tough to take.
Unselfish Motive
"I am sending him back. You therefore recieve him, that is , my
own heart, whom I wished to keep with me, that on your behalf he might
minister to me in my chains for the gospel. But without your consent
I wanted to do nothing, that your good deed might not be by compulsion,
as it were, but voluntary."
I think most of the time correction is not really done with a motive
of love. Selfish motives come into it quite often. We most often want
to correct someone elses sin when we are the ones being sinned against.
Our correction comes out of hurt and anger, bitterness and revenge rather
than love. Paul made it clear that he was not out for his own benefit.
In fact by sending Onesimus back Paul was actually losing a dear companion
and fellow worker for the gospel.
Sacrificial Love
The last thing that is so damaging about correcting others, is that
there is usually no offer of help, no encouraging word, no support from
the one who points the finger. The person who is corrected is not only
cut down, but also cut off. Then they have to struggle with the problem
by themselves. Paul said to Philemon, "If then you count me as
a partner, receive him as you would me. But if he has wronged you or
owes anything, put that on my account." Paul was willing to clear
out any obstacle that he could that would prevent Philemon and Onesimus
from coming together in Christian love.
This is one reason I am so impressed with Ai No Kesshin. They are ministering to women who have had accusatory fingers pointed at them from all sides. Instead of adding their voices to the chorus of condemnation, they offer comfort and practical help.
Sometimes there is a legitimate need for correction. But before you talk to your brother or sister in Christ ask yourself some questions.
First, is there a long-lasting loving relationship between you? If not, then be satisfied to pray for your brother and keep your words between you and God.
Second, What are your motives for correcting this person? Is this for you or for them? Only proceed if you are 100% sure that there is nothing in it for you.
Third, how can you help? Is there something that you can do to make it easier for them to change? Always build up, not tear down.
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