Do you long to be worthy of being anointed with the coveted title of hipster pastor? Are you tired of being perceived as a mere keeper of the flock? If you truly want to be the “super cool” hipster pastor Jesus saved you to be, a key thing you need to master is how to use Twitter to be self-promoting in the name of Jesus.
Here are 6 Twitter tips to help you become a “Legit” hipster pastor:
Tip #1 Be sure to regularly solicit accolades from everyone who hears your inspiring sermons.
*Important note Be sure to fill up all your followers’ Twitter feeds with re-tweets of people’s comments about, and quotes from, your sermon. That is sure to get the message across to the masses about through whom the revival is really happening on Sundays.
Tip #2 Be sure to always keep up the façade that every Sunday is epic at your church.
You can never let people know that sometimes you have an off week, fight with your wife before coming to church, or just don’t really love people. After all, if we lose the hype, the Spirit won’t fall and people might start shifting their trust and attention back on Jesus and His word instead of you and your sermon.
Tip #3 Be sure to name-drop and document your friendships with Christian celebrities or other hipster pastors as much as possible.
Suggested Tweet: Tweet out a “selfie” with the caption Hanging with my good friend, (insert Christian celebrity’s name here)! Such a man of God.
Tip #4 Be sure to Tweet as many “pats on the back” to other hipster pastors as possible.
After all, you need them to acknowledge you back publically on social media if you are to gain some of their followers, and continue your rocket-like ascension up the hipster pastor ladder to glory.
Tip #5 Be sure to let people know if your campaign of self-proclamation begins to yield invitations to speak at conferences, write books, etc.
Tip #6 Be vigilant to never follow more people than the number that follow you.
You wouldn’t want to send the wrong message about who the super-cool hipster pastor with face-melting, life-changing, Shekinah-glory-commanding-insight really is. If the ratio of the number of people you follow, versus the number of people following you gets too close for comfort, you may need to do a thorough cleaning of your “Following” list. Make sure to “un-follow” all people who haven’t arrived at or surpassed your current level of hipster pastor status, and work backward from there. And no, it doesn’t matter if some of the people you “un-follow” have been your friends and mentors during the years when you were just an ordinary pastor getting started on your rise to power.
HAVE YOU READ THIS FAR? DON’T KILL ME YET!
Disclaimer – This post is a joke with a point. I am guilty of many (maybe all) of the idiotic behaviors mentioned above. My intention is not to talk down to or pretend to be better than anyone else. I absolutely believe that many have Tweeted out some of the exact “suggested Tweets” above with pure motives. I am also not meaning to convey the idea that I am against the use of social media in general. I fully believe pastors, Christians, and churches must leverage social media for the advancement of the gospel in our world. And no, this article isn’t pointed at anyone in particular. If you happened to have recently Tweeted an exact phrase from the “suggested Tweets” above it is mere coincidence.
So what’s my problem?
That is a fair question. As an idolatrous abuser of social media and a shameless self-promoter, I suppose I am a little bit like a former alcoholic who feels heartbroken and wants to vomit when they see others stuck under the influence of the substance that used to enslave them. Having spent too much time “drunk” with the opportunity for self-promotion that social media affords me, my reaction to seeing the same sickness in others on platforms like Twitter is to spiritually “vomit” and feel concern.
This post is merely intended to be a playful call to my friends and co-laborers to join me in continually thinking through our motives and appearance on social media. I have been guilty too many times of promoting myself in the name of promoting Jesus. I still struggle with self-promotion on social media. At times I feel like it is a bit of sick joke that my job requires me to engage in using it on a daily basis.
How do we respond to this stuff?
- If you were convicted reading this article, praise God and let the Holy Spirit have His way in you.
- If you don’t think I’m funny or get the joke, no hard feelings. You are probably right.
- If you’re thinking, “This article is the biggest piece of self-defeating hypocrisy I have ever read”, you have picked up on the point completely. The world of social media can be a spiritually dangerous one, full of blind spots for us all.