This topic requires me to put all my cards on the table right from the get-go. I am a missionary. I have been living outside of my passport country for 14 years. I am married to a person from the country I live in, making us a bilingual, bicultural family. We have a six-year-old son. I brainstormed the topic of “missionary care” with two of my friends for material for this article. One has been a missionary for over 30 years and served in several different countries in Europe. She is European. She is married with two girls. The other grew up a missionary kid, moving all around the world. She is now a missionary herself. She is single and from South America. Our upbringings, cultural context, and experiences could not be more different, but as we talked, it quickly became clear that “missionary care” looked similar for all of us. I hope that by compiling the things we talked about, we can all grow in caring for missionaries.
“We just want to be a blessing.” I have heard visitors say this more times than I can count. And I believe them. I cannot think of one example of a visitor who had a secret motive to tear us down, ruin our ministry or discourage us. If any missionary reading this has had that experience, I am deeply sorry. I am writing from a place of assuming that those visiting a missionary have a genuine desire to bless them. But what does that even mean, to “bless” someone? Maybe the simplest way of defining it is as a gift. It is any sort of good gift. This could be tangible like a present, a home, a job, food, clothing, etc. or it could be intangible like wisdom, favor, words, etc. Either way, these kinds of gifts are good and appropriate for the person receiving them. They fit into their everyday context. The problem is, not all of the “blessings” that we have received as missionaries have been good gifts, and it is my hope that these articles will help us all avoid giving bad gifts when in fact our heart’s desire is to bless.
Blessing a missionary is about caring for them. Care packages are filled with items chosen for a specific person in a specific situation. I remember receiving them when I was a student at Bible College in Hungary. They were filled with my favorite sweets, unavailable in Hungary, a card or note, and sometimes a fun little surprise like earrings or chai tea (both things I love). Think of my disappointment to open a box addressed to me only to find a card written to someone else, Cosmetics Magazine (not something I would choose to read) and chamomile tea (hurts my stomach). It would not matter how much the sender wanted to “bless” me, they did not. This is why care is closely related to blessing. Caring for someone is all about knowing them, their needs, preferences and what they lack. It is about coming alongside of them and filling up what is missing. Big or small, expensive or simple, a good care package is packed with attentiveness, so let us slow down and open up the ultimate missionary care package together to see what is inside. Then, the next time you are headed off to visit a missionary, you will know what to pack: what to pack in your heart, what to pack in your suitcase, and what to leave at home, and hopefully give them a care package that will bless and encourage.
What to Pack in Your Heart:
1. Humility
As always, we start with the heart. What to pack in your suitcase will come later, but first you need to know what to pack in your heart. The first and most important item is humility. When you visit someone who lives far away from your everyday context, physically, ideologically, and culturally, it is important to come in humility. Even if the only thing in your care package is humility, you will be a blessing. My favorite definition of humility is being who you really are, nothing more, nothing less. Maybe there is pressure when visiting missionaries to have the answers to all the challenges that they face, but throw that pressure right out the airplane window before you land because it will not help you bless those you seek to bless.
Replace that pressure with a commitment to listen. As soon as the wheels hit the tarmac in the country you are visiting, you have a unique opportunity to enter into the missionaries’ lives. You are given the chance for all of your senses to be immersed in their world for a few days. This is romantic to say, but takes real grit to live out. You will be faced with unfamiliar languages, tastes, ways of thinking, ways of traveling, customs, style of church service, standard of modesty, etc. etc. Everything might not be unfamiliar, it depends on the place you go, but some things will be. One response (read defense mechanism) to this that I have observed is that visitors make it a point to teach everyone around them. They need everyone to know that they know things and they do this by slipping into the role of the teacher in an unhealthy way. Even if part of the trip involves you teaching a conference, a seminar or a training, your main goal is still to listen. Listen and learn all you can before before teaching and listening and learning after.
I am spending extra time on this point because we have had some horrible experiences with visitors because they refused to listen and insisted that they knew better. They were intent on teaching us how to do our jobs. Now, because of this pattern, when a visitor comes from a Western country for the first time, we inwardly brace ourselves. I wish that was not true. I am from a Western country and there are so many things that I love and appreciate about them, but the reaction or need to be the teacher is not one of them. It can be very, very damaging. Here is an example of something that happened to my missionary friend. She was hosting a team from a Western country and they were planning an event in the Cultural Center together. She and her husband specifically told the man who was speaking at the event not to give an alter call. There were many reasons for this, but we do not need to go into them because the point I am trying to make is that the missionaries knew what they were talking about. It is the role of the visitor to defer to the missionary who is living, ministering, and familiar with their local context whether it makes sense to the visitor or not.
Well, this man did not listen and gave an alter call anyway. What was the fruit of that decision? All doors for public forms of outreach in the city were closed. ALL! Years had been spent building trust with people in the city and finally opportunities were arising to work with the orphanage, special needs children, as well as host events in the Cultural Center. All those years of work was undone in a few minutes because a visitor refused to listen. Trust was lost between the city and the missionaries, and trust was lost between the missionaries and visitor.
Listening is not the same thing as agreeing and if you disagree or have contradicting ideas, communicate them in a respectful way. Feel free to ask why they do things the way they do. Point out differences in the way you minister and how they minister, and talk about the reasons behind them, but at the end of the discussion, those on the ground have the last word. Trust that the Lord is leading and giving them wisdom for their specific context and join what they are doing, how they are doing it.
2. Curiosity
Listening really is key to blessing missionaries and it does not just have to be about ministry. Taking time to listen to their stories, challenges, and experiences can really deepen your relationship with them. The better you get to know them, the better equipped you will be to care for them. It is not about sitting down and asking, “Now who is Wendy?” or “What is your story?” It takes a little bit more work than that and curiosity helps with this. You need to show them that you are trustworthy to receive their story. That you are genuinely curious. Chances are, the missionaries you are visiting are often misunderstood and misjudged, so their walls might be up in the beginning. Start out with easy things to answer like, “How did you end up in this city/country?” “What were some of the biggest challenges for you coming into a new culture?” “How did you decide to become a missionary?” and go deeper slowly. If you are like me, you will need to think of things to ask ahead of time. When I sit down with a person, I want to know all sorts of things but have a really hard time formulating questions spontaneously in the conversation. So, I come up with a couple ahead of time, sometimes with the help of someone who is good at asking deeper questions. Yes, I write them down. No, I do not bring the list to the conversation. Remember, the point of asking questions is not for information, but to get to know the person, so make sure you focus on the whole person. You do not have to be a perfect conversationalist to show someone that you care for them. Be curious! Even before you visit them, pray that the Lord would help you show that you genuinely care about them. Ask the Lord to deepen your friendship with them. Leave time in your schedule to spend unrushed time with them outside of events and activities for deeper conversation.
3. Appreciation
As you get to know them, it will become easier to separate who they are from what they do. I feel especially cared for when visitors make that distinction. Again, this is tricky when you are a missionary because the overlap can be significant, but it is possible. For example, I lead a community garden. That is something I do. I also love gardening. I love incorporating new plants, especially fun ones like chocolate jalapenos or mouse melons into our garden. A gift of a fun seed packet for us to try shows me care. It supports what I do in a tailored way to fit who I am. These two things can go together, but do not always. It takes time and relationship to know what a missionary does as well as who they are and what they love. The most important thing is to remember that they are so much more than what they do.
Some cultures value what is done so highly that the person fades into oblivion and church culture can have these tendencies as well. Maybe a practical suggestion will be helpful as a safeguard against this. Grab a piece of paper and write down everything you can think of about the missionary. Important or not, it does not matter, just write down everything that comes to mind. Now circle everything that is something that they do. Are there more items circled or not circled. If the list is heavy on the “what they do” side, that is okay. You are visiting them, a great opportunity to get to know them.
4. Respect
This one is straightforward. Missionaries might tend to completely defer to you, a visitor, when it comes to time and schedule, leaving them overwhelmed and stressed when you leave. This is not your fault, but might be avoided with a conversation ahead of time. What does the schedule of the trip look like in your mind? Ask what the missionary was thinking as regards to schedule. Be clear that you are willing to work around their existing schedule and responsibilities. Offer to come along with them to things they normally do, if possible, even if just to observe. Offer to be involved in the preparation to take some of the burden off the missionary. This might not always be feasible, but sometimes it is. Are you helping with a kids program? Could you prepare crafts, visual aids, or games beforehand? Preparing this and having the missionary just look over it to make sure it is appropriate for their context can save them a ton of time. The key is to talk about it. One word of warning though, do not offer to do things you do not know how to do. Be honest with yourself and the missionary about your skills, gifts, and experience. If you are willing to do something, but have never done it, make sure you tell the missionary beforehand about your lack of experience and then decide together if it is a helpful for you to try and do it or if it is better to have someone with more experience do it.
One side note … “time” and “schedule” can mean very different things in different cultures, so be prepared to alter your definitions. Be flexible. Communicate.
5. Willingness
Remember the unfamiliar everything that we talked about before? It will lead to a plethora of opportunities to try new things. Be willing. This does not mean eating food that will make you sick. Be honest about your limitations. If you have a gluten allergy, that is inconvenient, but it is far better to communicate that ahead of time and talk about solutions, than to be sick the entire trip. Allergies are one thing, preferences are another. Embrace new things that you are not allergic to. Try the local food, play the unfamiliar game, respect the customs without mocking them. Embrace the creativity of God in creating each culture, church, ministry unique and lean into new.
6. Gratitude
So much of visiting missionaries is about giving. Giving care, giving time, giving presents even, but do not forget to receive. Pray ahead of time and during the trip to receive what the Lord has for you on the trip. It can be awkward to receive when going somewhere with a heart to give, but part of caring for someone is receiving what they have to give. This can deepen the friendship between you and the missionary, as true friendships are always a glorious mix of giving and receiving. Humbly receiving a gift, whether tangible or intangible, is indispensable when visiting missionaries. If a gift is too big or cannot be taken home for whatever reason, graciously telling them the truth, while showing your appreciation for their thoughtfulness, is better than rejecting it without them knowing the reason. Receiving as well as giving is evidence of a humble heart.
Next time, we will continue packing and see what to pack in the suitcases and what to leave at home. Until then, I hope this discussion, inspires you in your journey of caring for missionaries and better equips you to pack the ultimate care package.
